I am around a lot of boys.
As joyful as it is to be a mom and wife it is nice sometimes to have some girl time. So I am blessed to have Jessica, my little sister through the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program. We have known each other for two years, she is 13 and a breath of fresh air. Fresh girl air. ☺ We meet once a week and do silly girl stuff. Jessica likes country music and since we spend some time in the car together going here and there I get to hear quite a lot of country music. I can’t say that I am a big country music fan but I can say that I’m softening a bit to the idea that country music has its gems. I’m coming around to the idea that a warm and fuzzy song just may be alright in life….every now and then.
The last time we went out a song came on the radio and Jessica said, “Oh I like this one.” So I listened to “You’re Gonna Miss This.” By Trace Adkins. I downloaded this song and played it for Scott today and cried the whole way through. “Why?” Scott asked. “I don’t really know” I answered.
There is a good question that counselor’s use and I learned it when I took a coaching class two years ago. When someone answers a question with an “I don’t know” you say, “Well If you did know… what would the answer be?” It’s a good approach, because most people know deep down inside why they do what they do… and I know why I cried.
When we first brought the babies home from the hospital, I found myself in our bedroom, laying in bed, looking out at a tree most of the day. An old dead-looking tree. The excitement of pregnancy was gone, the support of hospital staff left behind… with two little ones who only knew sleeping & eating, pooping & peeing. I loved them so much but it was hard, there was no where to run to when I needed a break…no time even for a break, or sleep or showers…struggles to nurse, several rounds of painful infections from nursing, hormones going at a fast clip…it was hard. And I looked at that tree and thought…This season is the Winter of our Discontent. It was such a foreign thing to think and I was pretty sure it was a God thought and not a Nancy one. We loved those boys (still do) but in an instant life changed and seemed to be dragging us along. And while that thought made me sad…The Winter of our Discontent, (I didn’t want to be discontent) I finally figured out that Winter was just a season…it need not, and does not, last forever. My hope came from looking at that tree and remembering that it was not dead, only dormant and my day would come to see it green again.
I’m not sure when the Winter of our discontent ended. Somewhere between Savannah and Montana we left it behind and sailed into the Spring of our Joy...I’m so happy enjoying life with these little personalities, they eat a lot less now, they sleep through the night, they interact with us…they smile…they can do a whole bunch of things beside eat, sleep, poop and pee. But you know what…I miss those early days. As good as it is now, I do have moments of missing the first challenging months. I miss providing everything for them, miss waking up at 3am to feed them… miss how they used to fit perfectly in the crook of my arm.
I know why I cried…I cried for what I’ve lost and I cried for what I have and what I will have and every moment in between. I cried because we only get so much life…and all that it is…is precious.
You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this.
As joyful as it is to be a mom and wife it is nice sometimes to have some girl time. So I am blessed to have Jessica, my little sister through the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program. We have known each other for two years, she is 13 and a breath of fresh air. Fresh girl air. ☺ We meet once a week and do silly girl stuff. Jessica likes country music and since we spend some time in the car together going here and there I get to hear quite a lot of country music. I can’t say that I am a big country music fan but I can say that I’m softening a bit to the idea that country music has its gems. I’m coming around to the idea that a warm and fuzzy song just may be alright in life….every now and then.
The last time we went out a song came on the radio and Jessica said, “Oh I like this one.” So I listened to “You’re Gonna Miss This.” By Trace Adkins. I downloaded this song and played it for Scott today and cried the whole way through. “Why?” Scott asked. “I don’t really know” I answered.
There is a good question that counselor’s use and I learned it when I took a coaching class two years ago. When someone answers a question with an “I don’t know” you say, “Well If you did know… what would the answer be?” It’s a good approach, because most people know deep down inside why they do what they do… and I know why I cried.
When we first brought the babies home from the hospital, I found myself in our bedroom, laying in bed, looking out at a tree most of the day. An old dead-looking tree. The excitement of pregnancy was gone, the support of hospital staff left behind… with two little ones who only knew sleeping & eating, pooping & peeing. I loved them so much but it was hard, there was no where to run to when I needed a break…no time even for a break, or sleep or showers…struggles to nurse, several rounds of painful infections from nursing, hormones going at a fast clip…it was hard. And I looked at that tree and thought…This season is the Winter of our Discontent. It was such a foreign thing to think and I was pretty sure it was a God thought and not a Nancy one. We loved those boys (still do) but in an instant life changed and seemed to be dragging us along. And while that thought made me sad…The Winter of our Discontent, (I didn’t want to be discontent) I finally figured out that Winter was just a season…it need not, and does not, last forever. My hope came from looking at that tree and remembering that it was not dead, only dormant and my day would come to see it green again.
I’m not sure when the Winter of our discontent ended. Somewhere between Savannah and Montana we left it behind and sailed into the Spring of our Joy...I’m so happy enjoying life with these little personalities, they eat a lot less now, they sleep through the night, they interact with us…they smile…they can do a whole bunch of things beside eat, sleep, poop and pee. But you know what…I miss those early days. As good as it is now, I do have moments of missing the first challenging months. I miss providing everything for them, miss waking up at 3am to feed them… miss how they used to fit perfectly in the crook of my arm.
I know why I cried…I cried for what I’ve lost and I cried for what I have and what I will have and every moment in between. I cried because we only get so much life…and all that it is…is precious.
You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this.
that was awesome nancy, thanks so much for sharing.
ReplyDeleteCatherine
sometimes at night when Luc is sleeping my arms almost seem to ache because I want to go in his room and wake him up and just hold him right then because I know he is growing up so fast. Thank goodness he still loves to cuddle with his Mommy some everyday!
ReplyDeleteI think this is sooooo true about loving people...whatever their age. The moments we have with someone are brief and fleeting. What it mean to mourn over what was good and has now changed...and to enjoy the present moment we have now with deep gratitude. I love the words of that song- we do not realize that what we have right now is good and one day we will miss it/them as they are now! I am going to try to listen to the words with music...not a big country music fan either but love these words! THANKS for sharing! Karen
ReplyDelete